Two years ago on November 6th I lived one of the hardest day of my life. I had to deliver my baby boy who never got to live a day here on earth. Darrenn and I were so excited when we found out that we were finally going to have a baby again. It had been a long, hard road leading up it. The pregnancy had a couple of dramatic moments but things seemed to be going perfect. When I laid on the doctors table waiting to hear the heartbeat then waiting to see the baby moving it was the longest moment of my life. My amazing doctor had to tell me the sad news that my precious baby had died. I had to go to the hospital that weekend and have my baby. My amazing friends and family rallied around us. Bringing me my special blanket, feeding me McDonalds, holding my hand, and taking card of Dylan. That night at around 11pm I delivered my very tiny little boy. We didn't know what we were having so it was bittersweet. I got to hold him in my arms until it was time to say goodbye. I had peace that he was being held by his Daddy in heaven. I know that one day I will see him again.
The next year was a roller coaster ride filled with lots of ups and downs. I would have amazing highs thanking God for Dylan and Darrenn then lows when I thought I would never have my own baby again. I continued to believe that God had His best for me and my family. I knew that He would give me my hearts desire. Our lives changed so much, leaving our family at Life Center and joining a new family at Revolution. God challenged me in ways I never imagined. He put people in my path that called me out on things that I didn't want to see and I made some big changes because of it. I waited, prayed, and waited some more. All of my waiting was not always filled with patience. I took things into my own hands many times then was reminded to give it back to God. Then in August of 2006 I found out that I was pregnant again. I couldn't believe it. I knew God would bless my family with another child but I didn't know how or when. Not only did He bless us with a baby but he allowed me to carry the baby in my stomach. He also gave me a little girl. I get to watch my son love and care for her, my husband melt as he holds her, and my friends smile when they see her. I feel so blessed to have my son and baby girl. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if God will bless us with another baby or if our family is complete. But I do know that God can do amazing things!
This post is a little selfish. I felt like I needed to remember the baby I lost. The baby that I never got to sing "Jesus loves Me" to, play blocks with, take to Disneyland, and watch grow up. I know he is in a better place. I will one day tell Emma about the brother she will get to meet in heaven.
Thanks for reading about our life with little miss Emma. If you didn't know our story you can now understand what a blessing God has given us.
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